Processing my own Grief in Manchester by the Sea

Grief is a strange thing. It sits on the surface of the day-to-day and in the wake of tragedy, the small moments of life are like drops of water, filling up an already full cup - each drop threatening to cause the cup to overflow at any moment. Sometimes it only takes one word, one look, one seemingly insignificant interaction with someone for it to all spill over. Manchester by the Sea gives us a painfully honest glimpse of the effects of grief.

Written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan, this beautifully crafted story follows Lee Chandler, (played by Casey Affleck) a handyman living in Boston who by all appearances at the beginning of the film, leads a mundane life. Dealing with distasteful tenants in an apartment building during the day and drinking and getting into fights at the bar at night, we know Lee is depressed and apathetic, but we don't know why.

The only hint at a better time is revealed in flashbacks. He thinks back to times with his brother and nephew on a fishing boat and relives memories as a husband and father. We're left to wonder why he's estranged from his family and what's happened to cause him to banish himself to a self-inflicted purgatory. The answer doesn’t come until part way through the film as it quickly slips into its genre: tragedy (with a good dose of drama and humor mixed in).

While the story of Lee's past unfolds, he gets a call about his brother’s passing (played by Kyle Chandler). The news isn’t a total shock as he was diagnosed with congenital heart disease a few years before, but Lee’s reaction is notably, though not uncharacteristically subdued. In a film that shows the complex emotions of grieving men, we still get an opportunity to see glimpses of deep caring and sorrow, particularly in Lee’s relationship with his nephew. And that's the beauty of the film. We aren't handed these long drawn-out scenes of weeping and emotional breakdowns. We get a raw portrayal of some of the worst pain and deepest sorrow a person can go through while trying to keep their head above water.

Lee’s life is essentially turned upside down when he finds out that his brother has left his only son in his care and he is forced to face his demons by returning to Manchester to plan his brother’s funeral and attempt to care for his nephew, Patrick (played by Lucas Hedges). Patrick is trying to deal with grief in his own way and their interactions become increasingly layered as they both come to terms with their new reality. Fleeting moments in the film show empathy and caring, but nothing is ever spoken out loud. Somehow the deeply moving performances from the cast make that ok.

The cinematography is stunning (making me want to jump on the next plane to Boston) and everything from the music to the dialogue is beautifully arranged - with breathtaking shots of Manchester and standout performances from Affleck (winning him a Golden Globe and Oscar for best actor) Hedges, (earning him an Oscar nomination) and Michelle Williams as Lee's ex-wife (and yep you guessed it, earning an Oscar nomination herself). The film boasts 6 total Oscar nominations and dozens of other awards.

The accolades are well deserved. It's been a little over a year since my dad died and I don't think there's been any one piece of art whether it be a film, song, poem, or anything like it that has impacted me more than this film as it relates to my own grief journey. This, I believe, is what makes a film a truly great piece of art. I felt like my own experience of grief was reflected in the characters onscreen. If you haven't seen this film yet, make some time to watch it and keep your tissues handy.